Xmax jokes

[Burgerman]

“What is Santa’s favourite pizza?”
"One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even.”

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – the late, great Joan Rivers.

“My Christmas decorations are inflatable. I’m forever blowing baubles.”

“Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
"A Mince Spy.”

“Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager? Because she couldn’t run a stable government.”

“How many donkeys does it take to change a light bulb? Donkeys don’t know what a light bulb is, and they’ve got hooves anyway. If you’re going to do one thing this Christmas, for God’s sake keep donkeys away from light bulbs.”

“Where does Father Christmas like to enjoy a mixture of badminton, horse-riding and subtropical swimming? Santa Parcs.” –

“Which London Underground line is best with leftover turkey?
The Piccalilli line.”

“Why did Santa quit smoking?
Because it was bad for his elf.”

“Why won’t Donald Trump be attending midnight mass this year?
Fake pews.”

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.